Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Week Six, part two

New England vs. St. Louis

So is this the biggest difference ever in average rating? Just because Nakamura and Shulman chose to do their patriotic duty and represent the ol' USA in Khanty-Mansiysk. Put on a white wig and go walk the "freedom trail", but if Samuel Adams were alive today, he'd be drinking Budweiser. I'll pick New England by two, though it tries my soul to do so.

Boston vs. San Francisco

Nothing wrong with a little regional pride, as long as the nation doesn't suffer. The East lost quite a bit on Monday but I think Boston will do their part to get some of it back. The Blitz, 2.5-1.5.

Seattle vs. New Jersey:

When you play a tournament game, do you write the opponent's title next to his name? I used to do it, but it's just so obsequious that I stopped. I'm pretty sure I scored better when I didn't. I'm not sure Seattle is hip to this bit of wisdom, though. New Jersey by a point.

Arizona vs. Baltimore:

Alright, this is probably the most contrived jumble since the Yangtze River one. But it works, I promise. I mean, the letters match up the way they're supposed to. One more for Baltimore.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Week Six, part one

New York vs. Miami:

Miami needs it but New York wants it, and we're a country where luxury comes before necessity. New York by an artificial hair.

Dallas vs. Carolina:

I hadn't actually noticed that East and West have not faced each other this season. Now that I have, let me express my dismay at the mockery being made of tradition this week. Dallas by a circus peanut.

Philadelphia vs. Chicago:

Though Philadelphia as a team is -2 while Chicago is +2 on the season, Philly's particular lineup tonight has outperformed Chi's particular lineup. This is the kind of tidbit that the full-time professional has at his fingertips but a player moonlighting as a prognosticator is apt to overlook. Philly by one.

Los Angeles vs. Manhattan:

Isn't it? LA, by the length of a Lindsay Lohan sobriety jag.

ETA: Maybe I should omit the bars on the capital I's. The srambled words are IONPA, LABREW, NYBAD, NOBAIL.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Week Five, part two

New Jersey vs. Boston:

I seems to recall a JB-Big Larry game in this league where Black was basically lost after about eight moves. I don't remember who was who but I think it was embarrassing enough for both of them that this game will quickly be steered into drawish channels. That leaves Boston with the odd White in the match which I think will garner them the minimum victory.

Baltimore vs. New York

Do we know that Lenderman was the soda can? Or was he the guy "You're So Vain" was about. In any case, the Knights should either fizz or gavot to victory. I'd reommened the latter. New York, 2.5 to whatever's left over.

Miami vs. Seattle:

Miami by a bottlenose.

San Francico vs. Los Angeles:

So will this rivalry take off? Can it ever be like the old days? I think San Franciso will push the new kids on the block around some. The 'Nics by a foul shot.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Week Five, part one

New England vs. Philadelphia:

"Put the bone in", she begged him,
As she paced across the floor.
"Put the bone in", she yelled out once more.
"Put the bone in"

That's from the seldom-listened-to-even-then B side of Terry Jacks's "Seasons in the Sun". Almost as cool is the fact that Jacks once played in a group called "the Chessmen". But New England has never tasted the bitters of defeat and I don't think they are in a hurry to. NE, but not by many.

Carolina vs. Manhattan:

I was going to say that the symbolism favors Carolina, since a cobra squeezes and applesauce is squozen*. But really, "Applesauce" isn't going to win many symbolic battles. So dismissing that, the ratings favor Manhattan. The Sauce are boss. 2.5-1.5.

St. Louis vs. Dallas

But, why should she not. Dallas ├╝ber alles, but especially St. Louis. But minimally.

Chicago vs. Arizona:

Putting the "foreign" in 4-0 since September 13, 2010. Arizona. By a point.

* Not favored by dictionaries, but more logical, to me, than "squeezed".

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Week Four, part two

Boston vs. New England:

Seriously, don't. New England by a point.

New Jersey vs. Carolina:

Just because I hate monotonous phrases, I thought about adopting a policy where a minimum margin is always implied unless specified otherwise. But that would increase the ignominy of the occasional 3-1 prediction, and I don't like to throw ignominy around. New Jersey, 3-1.

Los Angeles vs. Chicago:

I don't have anything particular in mind, but LA probably is the best team for jumble potential. If your name is a simple English word, then the puns are too transparent. I got rid of "Wolff" without too much guilt because I paired it with something else, but I still felt a little bit cheap. Anyway, that's why I like LA; for what they represent. Subscribe to the Vibe. 2.5-1.5.

San Francisco vs. Seattle:

Seattle needs it, which doesn't mean they'll get it, but I think they get it that they need it, as they've wheeled out not just the big guns but, who are just as important, the little guns. Seattle, but not by a slew.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Week Four, part one

Manhattan vs. New York

Yes, you heard that right. Moving on...

So I finally got a scanner. Maybe I'll try to write darker next time but I have to rush now. Anyway, first of all, note the writing on the door to guess whose quarters this is. The guy on the left, imagine he's the coach or the captain, or something. He is saying "Your game. Play the Reti. Or maybe the English". And the guy on the right (who I'm sure you all recognize) responds, "That's just not     _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _     _ _ _    _ _" . And New York by a point.

ETA: I notice the "_ _ _" thing wraps around. The answer is 11,3,2. Three words.

Philadelphia vs. Baltimore

Upset of the week. Ok, I guess I didn't pick one last week or probably the week before. Alright, upset of the MONTH then. Ok? Philadelphia by a schuylkill.

St. Louis vs. Miami

Well, we all remember the last time Nakamura faced Becerra here. Having studied chess psychology under my masters Krogius and Benko, I don't think Hikaru will give Julio the satisfaction of acting all crazy for revenge. He'll play one of those quiet things he sometimes does and the game will end in a draw. And then he'll act like that doesn't bother him. Meanwhile, Miami will score below to pull out the minimum victory. Ok, that's two upsets this week. You owe me one.

Dallas vs. Arizona

When I talk about an upset, I mean a for-real upset, not 2385 beating 2386. So I won't act like a hero for picking Dallas here. You still owe me just one. Dallas by a point (like on a star).

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Week Three, part two

New England vs. New Jersey:

I think New Jersey has the better chance of taking a lead on the top two boards and then the sibling rivalry below should be mutually beneficial. New Jersey by the snookiest of margins.

Manhattan vs. Boston



OO_ _O


O_ _OO

Blitz by bits.*

Dallas Destiny vs. St Louis:

When I raved in my season preview about how clever the St. Louis team name was, I don't think I even realized that they were following in the pattern of "St. Louis Cardinals". Being that clever, they surely ought to win this match. Granted, a cardinal outranks an archibishop, but since they don't play the same game that's not a big problem. St. Louis by a head of foam.

Chicago vs. San Francisco:

Tough call. Chicago is old enough to be a sentimental favorite, but not so old as to be the slobering kind. The Blaze by a flicker.

* I used the plural "bits" for the sake of the rhyme, but a one-point victory is still meant. I figure a "bit" is a small enough thing that even two bits don't add up to more than one point.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Week Three, part one

New York vs. Philadelphia:

New York looks almost St. Louisan here. The difference is, these guys don't just look St. Louisan; they can play St. Louisan. The Knights by a sword's tip.

Baltimore vs. Carolina:

Tough luck for Carolina so far. I think it'll be close again this week but the reason upsets are upsets is that people don't expect them. Baltimore by the minimum.

Seattle vs. Miami:

I think Guo will have something positive to blog about this week. We'll see if he can handle more than tragedy. Seattle by a glove lace.

Arizona vs. Los Angeles:





All in a good cause. Arizona by a point.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Week Two, part two

Boston vs. Philadelphia:

O_ _O_O

O_ _OO


_ _OOO

"_ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _"

... sparking Boston to a one-point victory.

Baltimore vs. Manhattan:

I don't think Milman plays much outside the league which, while it shows admirable dedication to the league, nonetheless allows a certain amount of rust to develop. I think the tough and in-practice Larry Kaufman will hold off Milman and that Baltimore will break through on one of the other boards. Baltimore by a bird of prey's beak.

Chicago vs. St. Louis

As usual, it boils down to who beats Shulman. I believe that will be no one. St. Louis, 3-1.

Los Angeles vs. Dallas:

It's hard to intimidate with mere names these days, but if anyone can do it is LA. The Vibe by a Newton.